Harry Potter and the Clueless Parent

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS ABOUT THE 7TH HARRY POTTER BOOK.

Has anyone else had the...pleasure, I guess, of having to explain Harry Potter to their uninformed parents?

My mother understands it. She's read the books, seen the movies, so there's not a whole lot that needs to be explained to her. Of course, she's not quite as involved in the series as I am. She had no problem flipping immediatly to the Epilogue upon recieving her copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. *sigh*

My father, on the other hand, is another story. I think he's seen most of the movies, but that's no guarantee he actually paid attention to what he watched. And as far as the books, his knowledge is the little blips I tell him.

After I finished the last book, I came out of my room, thrilled with my accomplishment. My ideas about what would happen were correct (yes, I am awesome), and since I couldn't go to a movie with my friends, I had finished before the rest of them. Like my friend Sandra, my dad was curious as to the ending, but simply relied on me to tell him what happened.

"So did Harry live?"
"Yes, Dad, he did! And my ideas were right." (insert my happy dance)
"What ideas?"

This is where it begins to get complicated. How do you explain Horcruxes without getting too technical?!

"Well, Voldemort..."
"Who?!"
"The bad guy."
"Oh, ok."
"The bad guy divided his soul into seven pieces, and in order for him to be killed, Harry had to destroy these pieces. But one of the pieces was in Harry, so Harry had to be killed in order for Vol--I mean, the bad guy to be killed."
"So Harry died?"
"Yes...and no. He sorta died, but he came back. You see, when the bad guy came back to life in the 4th book, he took blood from Harry. And because he had taken the blood, as long as the bad guy was alive, then Harry could stay alive. So Harry came back, destroyed the last piece, and killed him."
"Oh....ok. That's good. Are you going out tonight?"

Now tonight while cooking dinner, I put in the first movie just for kicks. My father sat down with me during the climax, when Harry is fighting Voldemort/Quirrell for the Sorcerer's Stone. And apparently, my dad wanted to know how the end of the books related to what he was watching.

"Does Harry already have the bad part in him?"
"Yes; he's had it in him since he was 1. He got it when the bad guy tried to kill him."
"Is the bad piece the reason that teacher can't touch him?"
"No. Harry's mother tried to save him from the bad guy, but the bad guy killed her too. But because she tried to protect him, Harry got this special love magic that the bad guy doesn't know about."
"Why did the bad guy try to kill a baby?"
"The bad guy heard a prophecy that said that Harry would be the only person that could destroy him, so he wanted to kill him before he could actually pose a threat to him."
"....ok. Are the lima beans done?"

While explaining this, I realize how much brain power you've gotta have in order for all of this to make sense. Not to mention, how freaking ridiculous it all sounds. No wonder people don't read the books. They turn you into a crazy person.

Ahh...how I love being a crazy person.